Boxed wine just isn’t getting the respect it deserves.  Here are a few reasons why people need to give credit where credit is due:

  • It’s a lot cheaper. Do the math and you’ll find that your essentially paying ~$5 for a bottle of wine.  You can’t buy a GLASS of wine at a bar for that price.
  • Taste doesn’t matter. Face it, after a glass or two…you can’t taste a difference.  If you feel you can, start off with a glass of your favor ‘fancy’ wine….and then tear into a box of the good stuff.
  • It has a handle on top.  Trying to carry 4 bottles of wine and a box of donuts and you’ll quickly understand the advantage.
  • It doesn’t judge you. A bottle is semi-transparent so that you can see that you just drank 3/4ths of the bottle while waiting for your clothes to dry.  You know you shouldn’t have done that…why does the bottle insist in letting you know?  A box has no window; it cares about you and doesn’t tell you the bad news.
  • You can drop it. Let’s face it, wine bottles are sneaky slippery round devices that roll quickly down the isle when you drop them in a movie theater.  Boxes don’t roll, and that’s a fact.
  • Hot tub friendly. Every hot tub has a sign that says “no glass bottles”, but no sign that says “No amazing packaging containing the nectar of the gods.”  There is a reason for this: your HOA and the Hotel staff promote boxed wine.
  • Camping friendly. Broken glass at a camp site fire ring ruins the area for everyone.  Box wine comes in a cardboard box….which burns. Again, it’s a simple sign that a higher power approves of box wine.
  • Jerk Friendly.  If you’re a jerk, you can nearly take the last of the wine and not tell anyone.  Simply by lifting it, you can judge how much is left and leave a little bit left.  Good thing no one here is a jerk, right?
  • Feeling of accomplishment. The last glass is always the best glass, because to get it you have to rip open the box and squeeze the bag.  Knowing that you get the last drop out of the bag makes you feel like you accomplished something.  A bottle pours out easy, but a box makes you work and rewards you for your efforts.

And lastly…as many of us know…

  • Free pillow! Finish the wine, open the box, remove the bag, push the button and blow air back into the bag.  Now, since you’ve worked so hard to drink all that wine, you probably want to take a little nap.

There you have it: ten reasons of why you should put down that bottle and pick up a box.  Stay classy Denver, and open up a box of wine!

Post filed under Other Ideas.