Here is my general approach to personal growth. Remember that people are like plants:  You can help them grow but you can’t change what they are.

I believe that we don’t need to motivate each other to be “better”; we each already want to be the most full version of ‘us’ that we can be.  That is common across all species.  But it is important to remember that a rose bush will never be an oak tree.  It might become an amazing rose bush someday, but no amount of determination will make it a oak tree.  So rather try being something you’re not… just try to be the most true you.

And how do we help each other do that?  Simply put: we give them feedback about the things they might be blind to.  That’s it.  Simply that. Let people know how their actions impact others, and how they are heard.  Don’t tell them they are wrong, and don’t try to seek ‘why’ they did something.  Assume they want to be the best version of themselves, and simply give them information about how others see them.

Feedback can’t be good or bad, it is just information.  It’s not coaching, it’s not reprimanding, it’s not praise… because as soon as you assign good/bad to feedback, you are trying to make a rose bush into an oak tree.   Give the feedback, and give the trust the receiver already wants to be the very best version of them they can be.

Like you do.


*Please note I never said ‘a better version of you’ in this.  ‘Better’ implies you’re starting from a less than good place, which sounds pretty ‘bad’.

Post filed under Personal.